Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Mason, Maddox, and Kasyn

8 years... It has been 8 years since Brittany and I found out that we were expecting. I can remember the excitement like it was yesterday. We had wanted children and tried for what seemed like forever, and Brittany never could get pregnant. We were sent to a fertility doctor in Shreveport. I remember the first time we went into the fertility clinic to see Dr. London, it all felt so awkward as he began to tell us about different procedures, and the success rate that he has seen. I remember being concerned about how much this is going to cost, is it going to work, how are we going to come to Shreveport several times every week, how is Brittany going to handle the disappointments if it doesn't work? 

Regardless of the questions, we went ahead full blast. We went to Shreveport more times then I can remember over many months. Month after Month, the emotional roller-coaster was exhausting, we would get excited thinking that finally it was going to work, and then we would be let down by the disappointing reality that another month came and went and she wasn't pregnant.  Dr. London came in to meet with us again many months after our initial consultation, he looked at both of us and said we were going to give it one more shot. He didn't see the point in continuing any longer after that. If Brittany did not get pregnant during October of 2009, then we would have to discuss trying IVF. IVF would really be the only option left. Brittany and I had never discussed IVF, all I knew was that it was very expensive, and that it was still about a 50/50 shot. 

Leaving the Dr's office that day we were both quiet, neither one of us knew what to say to try to encourage the other person. We had tried to keep our spirits up, but at this point it just seemed so low and helpless. I hated to see the disappointment, and worry in her face. I felt so helpless as I watched one of her greatest dreams began to fade away; there was nothing that I could do. 

We prayed about it, in fact we prayed a lot about it. I remember the night that everything changed, one night Brittany was reading in her Bible and in the moment her face changed. She said she wanted to share a verse with me, and I looked at her and listened as she read... "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for; the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1. She looked up from her Bible and she said "God has given me a peace that this is going to work." I'll be honest with you Brittany has always had a stronger faith then I have. I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled. I prayed with all of my heart that she was right. That month we continued our trips back and forth to Shreveport, and the anticipation grew with every mile we traveled together. 

I'll never forget when Brittany took the pregnancy test, it was November 6, 2009. We thought it was too early to take the test, but we couldn't wait any longer, there was too much riding on it. By this time she had already taken 100's of pregnancy tests it seemed like. She took the test, and then we had to wait the 2 or 3 minutes for it to process. I'll never forget as we looked at that test and it said "pregnant." Our worlds changed in that moment, the excitement, the tears, everything changed in that moment. Something we had hoped for and longed for had become reality. 

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, standingIt's still amazing to recall the journey that the Lord took us down. James 1:2 tells us "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." During this journey, I didn't see the 'joy' but as I look back on it all these years later I know that God was at work and that God had a plan. That seems to be the way it works, in the midst of a trial it is so very hard, but looking back adds a little perspective. I know that Brittany and I grew in our faith during this time, and we also grew together as a husband in wife in love. Through all of this we were blessed with two amazing boys who have been such a source of joy in our life. Thank you God for blessing us in so many ways! 
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Now here we go again! It's 8 years later and we are going to start a new chapter in our life as a family of 5. We are so excited to meet our little Kasyn Grace... and maybe a little nervous. Well Brittany says she isn't nervous, but dad is nervous :)

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